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Providing Children What They Need

CLEARLY, young children need a lot of attention, and evidently, many are not getting what they need. The condition of today's youths suggests as much. "Never have our young people been so isolated from their families, so bereft of practical experience and practical wisdom," lamented a researcher quoted in The Globe and Mail of Toronto, Canada.

 

What has gone wrong? Could the problem be traced, at least in part, to a failure to realize the importance of giving attention to the very young? "We all need to learn how to become parents," explains a psychologist who helps low-income women learn how to care for their newborns. "And we need to realize that the time we spend with our kids now will come back to us with many, many returns."

 
Preparing For Responsibilities of Parenthood

First, mental and spiritual preparation for taking on the responsibilities of parenthood is important. A study of 2,000 pregnant women in Germany found that the children of mothers who looked forward to having a family were much healthier - emotionally and physically - than the offspring of mothers who did not want their babies. On the other hand, one researcher estimated that a woman locked in a stormy marriage runs a 237 percent greater risk of bearing an emotionally or physically damaged baby than a woman in a secure relationship.

Clearly, then, fathers are important to the successful development of a child. Dr. Thomas Verny observed: "Few things are more dangerous to a child, emotionally and physically, than a father who abuses or neglects his pregnant wife." Indeed, it has often been noted that the best gift a child can receive is a father who loves its mother.

 

The book Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World urges: "Calm, confident, and firm - that's what authority is all about." Further, note the excellent suggestions in The German Tribune: "Always talk to the child in such a way as to hold its attention: use its name often, keep eye-to-eye contact and use simple language."

 

Possible rewards for good behavior:

1. PRAISE - verbal commendation for a job well done; expressed appreciation for good behavior, accompanied with love, hugs, and warmth in facial expressions.

2. CHART SYSTEM - prominently displayed, with attractive stickers or stars to encourage good behavior.

3. LIST OF GOOD THINGS - of acceptable and praiseworthy accomplishment. Each time the child does something well, no matter how small at first, write it down, and read it to a family member.

4. BEHAVIOR BAROMETER - depending on the age of the child, adding beans or jelly beans to a jar when the child does something well (tangible reinforcement). The object is to establish a point system for granting a reward that might include something that the family was going to do anyway, such as going to a movie, skating, or eating at a restaurant. Rather than stressing to the child: "If you don't behave, we won't go," try: "If you do behave, we will go." The key is to change negative thinking into positive thinking, while allowing a reasonable time for change to take place.

 





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